12 Cups of Coffeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Mick slugged back the last of his coffee. “That’s twelve cups,” he announced. His mug was the size of a small bucket and he refilled it at a feverish pace, borderline manic.

Larry watched him with interest growing on concern. “Take it easy, Mick. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.”

“You’ve got to take risks in this world! You, you, you,” he stammered, buzzed, “You can’t get anywhere without a little heart attack here and there!” He shouted, guzzling another gallon.

Their roommate, Shannon, walked in, nonchalantly carrying a stalk of Brussels sprouts over his shoulder like Paul Bunyon. “What is going on here?” He asked.

Larry told him, “He thinks if he drinks a seriously worrisome amount of coffee, he’ll get superpowers.”

Shannon flinched hard, his face registering the shock. “Jesus, man!” He looked at Larry, waiting for more information.

Larry added, “He thinks he’ll be able to fly.”

“I’m going to fly like an eagle!” Mick shouted!

“The only thing he’s going to do is shit everywhere like, uh, a bird… a pigeon,” Larry figured out.

Shannon joked, “Maybe that’s how he’ll propel himself into flight, by the force of his rectal explosions,” Shannon demonstrated with his hands… “It’s rocket science.”

Mick then hollered wildly and slugged back an insane amount of coffee, his eyes began bulging like a river otter with his belly being squeezed. “Ooh! I’m feeling my wings now!!!” Mick yelled out. “I’m a goddamn eagle.” He burst from his chair and ran to the living room where he let out a scarily eagle-like squawk.

Shannon and Larry exchanged quizzical looks, like: what-the-fuck?!

Larry asked, “Do you think… an eagle?”

Shannon replied, “Anything’s possible. The universe works in wondrous ways we don’t even…”

“Come on!” Larry interrupted. “Let’s go!”

They gave chase to the living room, their excited faces bright with hope, but when they turned the corner, expecting their couch, their TV, their potted plant, and normal reality, you know? But no, they stepped into a dank, green, surreal, rain forest instead.

Like, serious: what-the-fuck?!

Larry and Shannon scratched their heads and inspected their new, strange surroundings for a moment before they spotted Mick squatting by a tree, his tongue flicking in and out, searching for flies, all green and slimy.

Larry sighed and answered his own question. “Nope, just a frog.”

coffee

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