Last Call

Sharon stormed up to her friend. “Why are you being such a bitch?”

Her friend, shocked by Sharon’s question, replied, “What the fuck are you talking about, Sharon?”

“Steve, over there, looking like a million, trillion bucks, with giant biceps” she slurred, “wants to take you home, kiss you on your lips, whatever else —  your luscious lips that all the guys in Chem class talk about, they do!  — and you’re standing here by the jukebox sulking. Not even drinking. Ignoring him. He asked…” Burp. “He asked me why you were dissing him.”

“Look. I don’t feel like it. I don’t like Steve… or his biceps.”

Sharon looked at her friend, her eyes twisted different colors like a Rubik’s cube. “You don’t know how lucky you are, with your perfect breasts and skin that you can skate on.”

“Please, Sharon, you should stop drinking.”

“You should start! Then maybe you wouldn’t be such a drag. I don’t know why I invited you out with us. Mark thought you’d be fun but what does he know. His dick is, like, four inches long.”

“Sharon, please, you’re drunk and you’re going to regret the things you say.”

“Am I?”


Sharon glared up at her friend, wiggling her mouth around in wild flagellation of anger. Stern eyes locked on the tip of her friend’s nose. Her skin cells blossoming with tension and alcohol.

“What else?” Her friend asked, tired of this exchange, tired of the night, thoroughly exhausted. Reconsidering joining the Sorority.

“Nothing. You’re a poopy butt,” she said, “that’s all.”

“That’s all?”

Sharon replied, “Yeah, that’s all.”

“Okay.” Her friend patted Sharon on her head. “Have a nice night,” she told her then blasted through the mass of people crushed in at the bar and continued out the door. Sharon watched with a peeved expression, then turned her attention back to Mark and Steve who were talking to a girl with a spaghetti strapped tank top and a star tattoo on her shoulder.

“Oh, no, she don’t!” Sharon slurred to herself and pushed her boobs up towards her chin, then plowed through the crowd towards Mark and Steve as the bald bartender with the long, bristly beard that looks like the guy from Anthrax bellowed out, “Last call, motherfuckers!”


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