Here It Comes: Perry Goes Pious

Rick Perry is just what the country doesn’t need — another Texas Governor who believes he was chosen by God to be President. A president who panders to his base of bible-thumpers.

Some gullible people out there actually swallow this shit.

Perry mused about his personal failings: not realizing his dream of becoming a veterinarian because he flunked organic chemistry, being ordered to do push-ups as a college cadet when his superiors in morning inspections discovered insufficiently shined shoes, straying from his faith and being “lost” as a young Air Force pilot overseas.

“He who knows the number of drops in the ocean, he counts the sands in the desert, he knows you by name. . . . He doesn’t require perfect people to execute his perfect plan,” Perry said before an estimated 13,000 students and faculty members who filled the basketball arena here for their thrice-weekly convocation.

Then, invoking Moses and David of Scripture, he added: “God uses broken people to reach a broken world. The mistakes of yesterday say nothing about the possibilities of tomorrow.”

So because the guy was too unimaginative to come up with his own set of beliefs, values, and purpose he jumped on the good old Texas Evangelical bandwagon and hitched a ride to Jesustown. Are we supposed to be moved by this spiritual tall-tale? No. We’re not. This is a speech aimed at social conservatives, born-agains, hardcore Christians. It’s meant to give them a narrative to overlook his rather mediocre life, ordaining him with righteousness and merit because he ‘found the lord’.

Here it is. He finally took a break from attacking the president, while egregiously omitting any plans of his own, to openly court the unhinged Christian vote, those sanctimonious flat-Earthers who believe shit like Hurricane Katrina was sent by God to punish us for abortion.

These are Perry’s people. This is why he’s been so successful in Texas. They love to pull oil out of the ground and eat large hormone-injected cattle. And they gobble the gospel and lick their hypocritical fingers with pious Jabberwocky.

Those are angels flying those UFOs.

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