Traveling outside the States for the first time, (not counting Canada and Mexico – and really, who counts them?) I went down under, to the hemisphere where the water spins counter-clockwise and they say bush fires as opposed to wildfires — I never realized we had the bush in Malibu but it seems we do — to the place where the topsoil has long been wash to the sea and the animals are adorable and deadly, Australia and New Zealand. The missus and me spent three weeks there recently and I’ve lived to tell the tale.
We did as every good tourist should. We wandered around souvenir shops, ate at waterfront restaurants, butchered the names of cities and streets – it’s Mel-bin and Bris-bin and Canns not Carnes, of course I’m speaking of what’s spelt Cairns, and in fact it seems as if they let Fauzzy the Bear name half their towns: Cooloola, Goodooga, Warrambool,Wagga Wagga. We got drunk in the middle of the day, drove down small roads, drove on the wrong side of the street, marvelled at the exotica in the supermarkets, and studied the differences in their bacon to ours.
It was a marvelous time.
I’ll break up the tale into sections. The first section is about Auckland, a city known for being New Zealand’s largest, and not much else… enjoy.
AND NOW AUSTRALIA