It’s a Shit Friday

I watched Me, You, and Everyone We Know last night, so I have to try this out:

))<>((

“Back and forth. Forever”

Curious movie, I recommend it.

Speaking of scat. Have you ever considered the implications of our modern day toilet seats?

The plumbing of the human anatomy is arranged to work in the squatting position.

When a person squats to defecate, the recto-anal angle at the end of the anal canal straightens out to permit easy evacuation. If a person sits, the sharper recto-anal angle forms a constriction and so pressure is required to force the contents of the bowel though it.

According to this website we were meant to squat over the earth and defecate, like monkeys and heavy metal fans on a bender. The Romans did it out in public. They were smart about some things. And if it’s on the Internet it must be true, right?

But it does makes you think. A little.

I once threw bobcat poop at my friend in Joshua Tree, truth be told it probably wasn’t from a bobcat but more likely a hawk or an eagle, but I couldn’t convince him of that. He was indignant. As if bobcat pellets were worse than a bird’s.

It’s gone down in the small history book of my life as the bobcat poop incident, leaving a black stain upon our relationship.

“You threw bobcat shit at me, man,” he’d often remind me as if it was a major strike against my character. Maybe it was. We were perched perilously on top some boulder columns and he had nowhere to go. I took advantage of the higher ground.

I often wonder if people stand and wipe afterwards, or reach under while still kneeling and do the deed.

Not often, actually, but I have.

It’s always weird when you’re using a public stall and a really tall person takes a leak in the stall next to yours. Even if they’re not peeking, the threat of a wayward glance hangs over your head and makes it terribly hard to relax enough to let one drop.

It’s probably weird for the really tall dude too.

Damn, it’s a shit Friday. Got to work the next 14 days straight, no wonder my mood is shitty.

Anyway, toilets have been around awhile, or at least squat boxes.

Toilets appeared as early as 2500 BC. The people of the Harappan civilization in Pakistan and north-western India had water-flushing toilets in each house that were linked with drains covered with burnt clay bricks.

There’s a park in China that attracts tour buses of people who line up to use a grotto-lined one.

“Sometimes they waited in line for one to two hours. We told them there were also other toilets nearby, but they insisted on seeing the legendary one,” said a toilet cleaner.

“Visitors are curious about what all the money was spent on.”

The inside of the man-made cave that housed the toilet is decorated like a grotto, with canes hanging on the ceiling, stalactite-like water faucets over the basin and huge stones inlaid in the walls.

Okay, okay, enough of this shit, my inner voice barks haughtily at me, and my literary mind agrees, so I write it down, type it in.

Enough of this shit.

Sometimes, folks, you just need to take a break from all the seriousness.

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