Notes From The Ant Empire: Terror in Friedmanstan

Life looks aflame from afar, but close up it’s just fireflies in a jar.

Is it possible to filter the amount of information we receive constantly? Drive down the road and you come across dozens of billboards, each with customized messages to get your attention, the radio relaying mood and news, your phone keeping you instantaneously connected with your lover halfway around the world; the sights and sounds of the modern world would have a dizzying effect on someone transported here from just a century ago.

Can we stay afloat in the sea of radio waves, television signals, flashing LEDs, Matt Drudge, I-Phones, Bob Dylan hawking shoes singing the times are a’changing? How is it possible to interact in a world of which so much we don’t understand?

Where everything is blurred.

And by not understand I’m not talking about the eternal stuff. Not the big guy up there or what a black hole is. I mean, the basic stuff, the stuff that makes us go.

Look at my hand there, it’s holding a steering wheel. That’s about where my knowledge of the mechanics of an automobile ends, and yet, I’m confidently sailing it down the highway at 75 miles per hour, and snapping a picture, of which I haven’t a clue what makes the image stick to the film.

Our monkey brains can’t possibly understand it all…

There’s too much knowledge, technology, and information out there. The problem is it’s becoming increasingly easy to not learn anything. All our gadgets and doo-hickeys think for us. All the newspapers have cut off their limbs and bodies and nothing remains except the big, black headlines.

The president tells us not to question him; he knows what we don’t and it’s terrifying and tyrannical and we’re better off worrying about something else and letting him protect us.

The effect is we’re a numbed populace distracted by our beeping, glowing, singing oppressors, our pockets buzzing with them, our homes proudly displaying them.

The juxtaposition of thought is a schizophrenic experience. You’re watching a moving, a tragic documentary on the horrors of the Holocaust, cut to a bald genie all in white mopping a woman’s floor while the domestic housewife looks on adoringly, saying ‘Mr. Clean, what would I do without you?’

On the side of your Satrbuck’s cup is a Zen koan.

Standing at the urinal reading the stock ticker in live time.

Star or satellite, what is that I see tonight? If I wish on one and it’s the other, do I still get to find my lover?


Once again the Japanese have triumphed on the world stage in the other international sport they excel at besides hot dog eating contests: Air Guitar.

OULU, Finland – A Japanese man out-“played” challengers to win the Air Guitar World Championship for the second consecutive year at a contest in northern Finland.


“It’s great. We’ve seen all the nations, united nations, ‘rocking on the free world’ and that’s good, that’s great,” de Tonquedec said.

One of the favorites for the title was American Andrew “William Ocean” Litz, whose act ends in a spectacular backflip onto an empty beer can. He finished 11th.

What? A backflip onto an empty beer can smashing it only got our Yank 11th?

We. Were. Robbed.


Hey everybody, the latest in health trends, right around the corner: picking your nose and eating it!

Dr. Friedrich Bischinger, an Innsbruck-based lung specialist believes that people who pick their noses with their fingers are healthy, happier and probably better in tune with their bodies.

He says society should adopt a new approach to nose-picking and encourage children to take it up.

“With the finger you can get to places you just can’t reach with a handkerchief, keeping your nose far cleaner. And eating the dry remains of what you pull out is a great way of strengthening the body’s immune system,” Ananova quotes Dr. Bischinger, as saying.

Somehow I’m guessing Dr. Bishcinger either has a tremendous sense of humor or is a nut. To extoll eating boogers as a cure-all is taking it too far.

Personally, I can see how a good pick is therapeutic. Remove the tickling gooey feeling from right in front of your brain. Every animal does it so why can’t we? But I won’t eat it. I don’t go there.

I’m a boogerflicker.


A short film by Naomi Klein of ‘No Logo’ fame and Children of Men director, Alfonso Cuaron will make that hamster on the wheel up in your head run a little faster.

The same thinkers that say there’s no free lunch, espouse the “utopia” of a Free Market. You can’t get a free lunch but there can be such a thing as a whole gatdamn Free Market? Malarky straight up.

For me every day is an anniversary of Sept. 11.” — Rudy Giuliani.


Miles from town, deep into the mountains, over a series of hills, a dense thicket of trees protects a small secret clearing. The hiker found it by accident, followed a humming sound that he heard, knelt to the earth, sniffing it, staring at it closely.

He put his ear to the ground and listened.

His heart beating with the news.

Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum…


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