Boston Sucks! Boston Sucks!

Oh my god! It’s a blinking alien flipping the bird.

Run for the hills!

It’s Al Queda!

It’s the Libyans paying us back for stealing their plutonium!

It’s the end of the world!

Have we all gone mad?

Or maybe I should direct this only to Boston.

Have you lost your minds?

From the AP

BOSTON – In nine cities across the country, blinking electronic signs displaying a profane, boxy-looking cartoon character caused barely a stir.

But in Boston, the signs — some with protruding wires — sent a wave of panic across the city, bringing out bomb squads and prompting officials to shut down highways, bridges and part of the Charles River.

Was it just a random unlucky day for Boston authorities as they claim?

Davis said that as calls were coming in about the electronic signs in rapid succession Wednesday afternoon, police also received reports of two devices that resembled pipe bombs and had a confirmed report of a man walking down the hallways of New England Medical Center making a rambling speech about “God getting us today” and “This would be a sorry day.”

Fuck that! Excuses. Everyday there are madmen walking around every major American city spouting nonsense like that. Like a terrorist would walk around a hospital warning people. And any way, aren’t terrorists supposed to be fans of Allah, not God?

The other reason I call bullshit on this excuse, at least the final one about the man with the rambling speech, is because shortly after 9-11, I’m talking within a few months, I was living in Boston and there was a similarly crazed individual at a subway stop who kept muttering about blood and death and how everyone on the train deserved what was coming to them, blah, blah, blah.

I didn’t think the man was a terrorist, I just thought he was a nut, but I didn’t want it hanging on my conscious should something happen that day or soon after so I called it in.

The police dispatch couldn’t have given two shits about my report. She assured me he was probably just a lunatic, told me not to worry, and didn’t even take down my telephone number.

Now, over 5 years later, they’re trying to blame the ravings of a madman for their gross overreaction. And when 10 other cities didn’t freak out.

In the Seattle area, authorities thought the devices were “obviously not suspicious.”

“In this day and age, whenever anything remotely suspicious shows up, people get concerned — and that’s good,” King County sheriff’s Sgt. John Urquhart said. “However, people don’t need to be concerned about this. These are cartoon characters giving the finger.”

Right!

It’s sorta common sense. Just look at the thing.

Think!

Being vigilant is not the same as being stupid.

Would terrorist put the bombs in plain view with a dinky Lite Bright type display to attract attention?

Um, no!

Look, I’m willing to let Boston slide on this, we all make mistakes and they were just doing their jobs, but they still claim they didn’t overreact.

Huh?

They arrested the guys who put them up. They might cost these cats some serious money, possibly jail time too, because no one in a position of power took a look at this silly thing and said “hold up, guys, chill!”

I don’t expect the Chief of Police to be an Aqua Teen Hunger Force fan, but I do expect him to be able to tell the difference between a real threat and a silly campaign for a cartoon.

The mayor, the police captain, someone from Boston should just say “sorry, we fucked up, we were trying to do the right thing.”

Instead, they want to act like, because of 9-11, you can’t put up public art anymore, that our cities must be cold and impersonal in the name of security; we all must walk on eggshells because there are now millions of skittish and paranoid Americans that might freak out about nothing.

We ain’t going to live in a perfectly safe world so I’d rather we keep a little bit of levity about these things. I like living in a city where I might pass a kooky electronic gadget for Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Sorry to the many great residents of Boston, you have a lovely town, but you have a collective stick up your butt. And I’m not basing this on just this recent episode. Like I said, I lived there. Maybe it’s the puritan roots. Maybe the cold. But Boston has to loosen up.

Like the whole Red Sox thing, give it a break already.

Like the “rivarly” with New York. Let me give you a clue. You lose. You’re one-tenth the city New York is. Move on.

Get over it.

DO THE RIGHT THING.

DON’T CHARGE THOSE GUYS.

Would it be fair for them to do 5 years because the authorities in BeanTown don’t know how to have a good laugh at themselves?

NO!

Just let it go.

You dig?

Number One in the hood G’.

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One thought on “Boston Sucks! Boston Sucks!

  1. ha ha too funny, i know boston too, its about 1.5 hours away by car, and it is a strange mix of puritanical and pushing the limits. you did a good thing, moving out west (sorry boston you’re cute and academically upscale but you have a lot of baggage)

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