Funky Shark

I hope everyone has seen the footage by now of the super-funky shark Japanese scientists videotaped and captured recently. This thing looks straight out of some bad science fiction book. It’s got a big fat head with pirahna-like teeth and the body of an eel. If I saw this thing swimming towards me I’d get the hell out of the water in a hurry.

It’s called a Frilled Shark and it’s ugly and prehistoric and looks something like this.

Superficially the frilled shark resembles a dark brown or gray eel, but the six gill slits identify it as a shark. The tissue of the gill slits protrudes somewhat, thus inspiring the common name.

It’s a creature that lives at the bottom of the ocean, obviously shunned to the dark abyss because of its hideous appearance by the other more judgmental fishies. I guess I’m in no danger, then, of having one swim up to me while I’m wading by the shore, water up to my Target swimtrunks, waves slapping against my beer belly.

Once when I was younger, back when I still bodyboarded but couldn’t yet drive, I saw in the waves, just yards from where I lay on my board, a blur of sinister fin and flesh and my head said DOLPHIN but my heart screamed SHARK!

I paddled my ass off, fearing for my young life, to get to the shore where I could stand and felt safe, only to look back and see Flipper and his buddy winking at me, shooting the tube.



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