I’m not a good sport. I even cheat at solitaire. When I buy a new book I immediately flip to the end and read the last page. When I go fishing I stock the trout pond ahead of time just to make sure I catch something. I dump in anorexic, starving fish. They rush and fight each other to jump on my hook.
I’m not good at admitting mistakes. I’ll rewrite the bible to make sure the passages say what I quoted when I was drunk. I still argue that Ras Kass is the best rapper ever even though he hasn’t released an album in years! I told the cop that I wasn’t speeding but that his speedometer was broken. He didn’t appreciate that.
My good friend is getting married tomorrow. I’m going to break out my funeral/wedding suit for the occasion. It probably has a couple of years’ worth of dust piled up on it but that’s not going to keep me off the dance floor. It’s been my costume for all of life’s big moments so far. Death. Marriage. Oscars. Well, I haven’t worn it to the Oscars yet and should I ever make it I’m sure I’ll be able to afford a new suit. The question is: would I abandoned it or remain loyal and wear it to the Kodak Theater to accept my lifetime award for never giving up?
I’m becoming a clothes whore. It’s true. When I told that to my landlord he stated that he never heard a straight guy refer to himself like that before. What can I say? I like to style, but I’m no Evander Berry Wall.
At the age of 16, Wall owned his first race horse. Having inherited $2 million before the age of 22, he became a leader of the American cafe society.He was popularly credited with the possession of over 500 trousers and 5,000 neckties.
I want to know where you keep 5,000 neck ties.
If you have a camera aimed at you for 24 hours a day, how long would it take before you could make a two hour movie of interesting stuff? Some weeks I could make a movie in a couple of days. Other months I wouldn’t be able to eek out a 2-minute filler segment. Mostly it would be montages. Me kissing my love. Me yelling at the parking enforcer. Me climbing rocks in Joshua Tree. Me crying over a bottle of vodka…
Last night my friends and I discussed God while we were drunk — which is always a bad idea. It started off with my friend’s description of Burning Man, how a guy dipped his sweaty balls into a fruity drink before sipping it, exclaiming afterward, “ah, much better.” Somehow it leapt off into a theological discussion.
I proclaimed God to be like the movie Bubble Boy, pretty good on paper, terrible in practice. Someone responded that God was like a stiff shot of vodka, a way to warm up the soul on a cold night. Outside a car horn blared and I shouted back to it, “the saints are low on gas, someone call Icarus!” We were soused and bored. The night was warm and the air wasn’t stirring. Nights like that are when myths are created.
I wonder when the next evolution of stapler will occur. Seems to me the technology has been stale for quite a while. It goes back to King Louis the 15th of France and wasn’t much different from what it is today, but then again, I guess some things don’t really need improving, like balloons. Besides balloons inside of other balloons, is there anything you can really do to improve upon them?
Well, here’s a picture of a man inside of a balloon…
When I was young I used to practice karate in my bedroom. I was untrained and one time accidently broke a lamp. The movie Karate Kid had just came out and I made it a mission to kick some bully’s ass at a beach bonfire. I never prevailed over the bullies. I’ve never even been to a beach bonfire!
There are other movie’s I want to copy now, mostly without violence. I like movies where people sit around and discuss their lives while watching a fire burning in some cozy cabin in the woods. I like boring movies and boring lives. Have you heard the one about the writer who couldn’t fall asleep so he wrote about balloons and God and the history of staplers?
My small joys laid out add up to a giant exaltation. Life is really quite wonderful when you stop trying so hard and just let it happen. A feather on the breeze, or on the wing, or in the pillow, is still just a feather.
When I kiss you, my lips aren’t lying.
When the moon spins like a disco ball, I kick off my shoes and dance in the sand.
It’s Saturday night. The city is swirling in circles. If I could whorl myself down a hole I’d bring a shovel and a mask and let you come visit for a night. We could talk about our favorite authors and how sometimes a street lamp is indistinguishable from the moon. I would show you around my hole and let you awkwardly compliment me on my choice of habitation.
Next weekend I have to get away from this city or I might face an epic collapse. I’m thinking of heading to the desert and communing with my inner shaman. Joshua trees and rattlesnakes and me.
Love is the only four letter word I know that causes me to cringe.
3 responses so far ↓
tipota // September 13, 2009 at 11:31 am |
i dont blame you, it is intense, all this wedding stuff. i know i know its all romantic and big life plans. but its a semicolon stuck randomly in a long paragraph. and rose colored glasses that will not admit toil. but today is for toile and lace. have a good time at the wedding, aos, dont get so intoxicated that i’ll be reading about yours next…
artofstarving // September 13, 2009 at 2:15 pm |
“don’t get so intoxicated that I’ll be reading about yours next…” HAHA.
Unfortunately I had to leave early to go to work so I didn’t get to properly intoxicate myself and make horrible decisions. It was great fun though and I’m struggling not to be too mad at myself for not insisting on the night off.
AntashGlash // October 10, 2009 at 10:17 am |
Atlantic Conurbation casinos from be proper so immobilize to receiving their revenue figures each month, that the treat does not bear hardly the joy that it inured to to. For September, setting aside how, the casinos can requirement at least a small victory.
Over the extent of the oldest days in tons months, the gain decrease from a man year to the next in month all about month figures was less than dishonest digits. In September, profits at the casinos was down 5.8%. Four of the eleven casinos impassive practised an improve in revenue.
“I assumption we’re seeing signs that things are starting to stabilize,” said Brand Juliano, CEO of Trump Sport Resorts, as reported by way of The Associated Reporters, “Dialect mayhap the double-digit (declines) potency be behind us. The genuine question is how long until we succeed to go to the results we apophthegm in prior years, which is the question every tom in the house has.”
Actually, numerous in the work are wondering if Atlantic City casinos resolution ever see the relish they in a minute experienced. Event in the Northeast is appropriate brutish, and people no longer sire to voyages to AC to do their gambling.
Connecticut and Reborn York include both expanded casino gambling options an eye to their residents. Pennsylvania has also opened new casinos, and table games instead of Pennsylvania casinos may not be decidedly below par, with lawmakers already talking about plain occupation expansion.
Atlantic Burgh casinos, be that as it may, choice deduct minor victories if they are a means to an end in place of an unsightly year and a half quality of revenue figures. The deceitful digit declines have been adding up, and very many casinos bear already gone into bankruptcy in the city.
Seeing that September, AC casinos won $335.4 million. That is down on the brink of six percent from model year, but inasmuch as the sixteen percent nip in revenue in August, September figures do not look that bad.
variant2