Art of Starving

Entries from September 2008

Notes From The Ant Empire: The Sun, The Soul, The Song That Made The Stoic Man Cry

September 27, 2008 · 2 Comments

I recently went on a date with the wife for Thai food in Thai Town followed up with Okkervil River at the Henry Fonda. We spotted Will Sheff out on the patio before the show, underneath the holiday lights and projection of the opening band on the outdoor wall. He was taller and skinnier then I unexpected, but then again, everyone is decompressed on Youtube.

Look at these clowns run around a ping pong table like kids born in the 70’s. Youtube, the video immolation of America.

If you took the opposite of the Tibetan Book of the Dead you come up with the American Book of the Living. And that book is cooked like a dishonest bookie’s. We’re not living anymore but fleeing from one entertainment source to the next, the pleasure feast paid for by credit, and we know how that goes.

Still…

I was born in Southern California and I love it. You may hate Bush but you’re still a Yankee when you’re abroad. I’m a Californian first though. I go down to the pier at the end of Washington Blvd. and reflect on the city behind me, stare at the ocean and then go drink a beer on the 2nd floor sundeck of the restaurant that’s changed names so many times I’ve lost count. After the sun goes down people start lining up for tables at C&O across the street and the bike path is abandoned to shadowy individuals and waiters take orders while firing up the heating lamps. The sun is extinguished in the waters of the Pacific, somewhere between here and China. After three Stella Artois, fascism never tasted sweeter.

                                           

Although I don’t believe in much, I believe in the soul. I don’t believe it goes anywhere when our lives are done, but while we’re alive it exists. After that, it’s only eternal existence is in the memories of those we’ve touched, but once they’re gone as well, that’s it – which, in its own intimate and valuable way is divinely magical — but still, the whole thing is temporal and meaningless. Not to be too unabashedly crestfallen, but we’re flies on the window screen of life, trying to make sense of ourselves, pooping all over the place.

Not to be too melodramatic, or emo, but our souls exist in certain bends of the violin bow. The smell of outfield grass in spring. The care put into perfect clay oven tandoori chicken. The moisture left behind from a lover’s kiss.

The way I look at it, some of the most sacred and soulful artifacts are crossword puzzle eraser shavings. You can have your steeples and sermons I’ll take the Sunday Times in bed with a steaming, fog-lifting cup of coffee.

                                            

I don’t trust people who say they don’t listen to music. If you have a soul, you listen to music.

When I worked at Trader Joe’s back in 2003, one of the customers was a squirrelly, diminutive man with a bushy mustache, floppy ballcap, and the exuberant compulsion to sell people bumper stickers that said DRUM MACHINES HAVE NO SOUL.

I don’t fully agree with the sentiment but I admired his quixotic mission, this was not an economic enterprise. The guy was hardly rolling in the Mochi. I see the stickers affixed to bumpers once in awhile in traffic, so his message is reaching some people, either that or it’s a sign of hipster’s affinity for irony.

Still… he needs to listen to DJ Shadow. Some drum machines do have souls, I tell ya.

Every culture on Earth cherishes music except those small, deranged subgroups of humans with a tendency to blow things up. Just something to think about.

I catered weddings back in my younger years. With more hair on my head, epaulets on my shoulders, because we were on yachts, and a tray of hors dourves in my hand I came upon an older, gently-stooped, stoic man leaning on a cane. A calypso band was playing a Bob Marley tune, complete with steel drums and female backup singers. I think it was a wedding. He smiled and waved off my offer of bruschetta when I spied a tear on his leathery cheek. I asked him if he were alright, if he needed anything and he blushed and confessed that he was more than alright, he was moved. He found the music to be enchanting. Divine. Those were his words, not an edited embellishment on my part, in fact, the only thing that makes this story even slightly interesting is that it’s absolutely true, and I can’t figure out if I have had a boring life, or if I have a boring version of what’s interesting.

It’s just how my soul is built I guess.

The song was No Woman No Cry. The wedding band’s version was absolutely awful, but the man leaning on the cane felt otherwise, his soul was touched and who was I to ruin his moment.

                                          

Star or satellite, which is that I see tonight?

Categories: Notes from the Ant Empire

Does God Love Wall Street?

September 21, 2008 · 1 Comment

Life is imitating – in a modern, totally-mindfuckingly-complicated way – my favorite movie, It’s A Wonderful Life, but on a massive, countrywide scale. (don’t excuse the pun, take it and all its ironic lumps!) It’s like the whole country is panicked and beating down George Bailey’s door, worried that their money is not in the bank anymore, except it’s not George Bailey it’s George Bush and he wants to give it all away to Potter.

We want to buy a house. It’s scary, terrifying actually, to even think about the prospect of paying the current prices. What if we’re not even close to the bottom of this real estate slide? What if we buy a house and it just sinks in value like an anvil in the hull of the Titanic?

This was all caused by bad loans bundled and sold and resold, by the notion that something has value just because we ascribe it a value. They played hot potato with people’s mortgages, betting that they’ll win in the end as long as they’re not holding the loans when the music stops.

More and more, Galapagos seems like a reasonable place for a vacation. If Kilgore Trout was right, then our brains our finally going to finish the job.

This bailout is ri-fricken-diculous! Isn’t it cheaper to just pay off everyone’s home? This is more proof that the magical cities of America are built on fragile sediments of collective belief, belief in the value of money and stock markets and capital, that in the end it doesn’t come down to beef and turnips. But we need houses and we need banks and we need to continue on with the delusion that we’ve not built the future on a tectonic economic landscape.

It requires the confidence that you’re investing in a system that isn’t just rewarding thieves and snakes, but through hard work and a little personal investment you can earn a good living too; that confidence is what powers growth and innovation. Sadly, this bailout doesn’t do much too much to assuage me of that fear. The feeling I get is like I’m watching a slow motion bank heist, where all the players are inside the system: bankers, brokers, politicians, developers. It will probably work, the crises will pass and everyone will go back to normal, to shopping and going to Disneyland and all that patriotic stuff that George Bush and John McCain want us to continue doing at all costs. People will still lose their homes but brokers will hang on to their portfolios. Nice.

It’s amazing how modern marketers have convinced the majority of the public that swiping your credit card is the benchmark of freedom, when in actuality it’s a form of third party enslavement.

  • Buying Shit you don’t need: Endless Debt.
  • Hoping to fill a void, a profound sadness endemic to modern man, but failing, thus making the void larger, more untenable: More Debt, Higher Interest Rates!
  • The collapse of the American Way of Life: Priceless.

Screw it, I’m sick of feeling panicked and depressed. Let’s go to Ruby Tuesday and see their new lamps!

That might just be the worst advertising campaign I’ve ever been subjected to. Anytime a company pokes fun at itself it’s only out of desperation. It’s working if its aim is to get attention for the overhaul, but if the restaurant was any good it wouldn’t need an overhaul. Pointing out that your style had recently been 30 years out of date and now your plates are square isn’t exactly compelling evidence to place my stomach in your epicurean hands.

Speaking of food…

I did a clam bake on the shores of Santa Barbara. Put about eight of them in aluminum foil and poured in white wine, butter, lemon juice and garlic… that’s how I get down. I had a whole loaf of sourdough to sop up the sauce once I ate the shellfish. A 22 of Pacifico turned it into a total cliche, but hell, it was a perfect scene to enjoy the sweet life. I chowed down on clams, taunted the seagulls who eyed my afternoon feast longingly, and toasted the sea for its bounty, looking at mussels clinging to the rocks while I ate their cousins from New Zealand. It’s probably the only time I dined on an animal in front of the animal. God damn, I felt so blessed right then I almost believed it’s on purpose, like there is an intelligent designer running the show, caring about me… but if He loves me, He doesn’t care much for the clams and mussels, to make them so delicious is basically dooming them to the dinner plates of West Coast snobs and their socially-conscious palettes and emotional whims.

I wondered if the seagulls thought my little concoction smelt good and were dying to get a piece or if they were wondering why the hell I was ruining some good raw clams with all that junk and putting it on burning charcoals like I was. I had myself a good time I tell you. I wasn’t drunk from the beer, but from the clams and my culinary initiative. I was giddy from the scene.

But, of course, back in the real world the stock market was putting a damper on my little clambake. It was nice not to think about it for the day, though… washed up with the seaweed, blowing around with the kites.

Categories: Politics

Headlines

September 14, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Headlines, just one letter short from being head lies. There have been a lot unbelievable ones lately.

COMMUTER TRAIN ACCIDENT IN LOS ANGELES KILLS 25.
(L.A has commuter trains?)

JOHN MCCAIN PICKS SARAH PALIN AS HIS RUNNING MATE.
(The woman who believes Noah’s Ark is a true story?)

DAVID FOSTER WALLACE HUNG HIMSELF.
(Well, that one is believable.)

It really is a tome of meticulous madness. The world, not Infinite Jest.

Football season is underway and at least that will restore some normalcy. Grown men pounding into each other so we can express our latent, tribal reflexes and grill meat in the back of our pickup trucks. Americans are fuckin’ tough, or if we’re not we pay someone to be tough for us. I’ve been on a shopping kick lately and I don’t why. I bought some bowls. With handles. Or else they are over-sized coffee mugs. They came from Pier One. Wrapped in thin brown paper. I filled one with Frosted Flakes. Poured in some milk and found out the milk was sour. It was one of those days.

SCIENTIST DISCOVER ICE CREAM ON MARS.

WRITER IS EXHAUSTED. GOES TO SLEEP.

Categories: Random

The Fisherman

September 6, 2008 · Leave a Comment

There is a river near where I live.

 

Without any fish.

In places, it almost looks possible.

 

So I made a fisherman.

And gave him dreams of the sea…

 The only problem is, I never made him a head.

Categories: Art · Photography